Culture: the attitudes and behavior characteristic of a particular social group
Tradition: a long-established custom or belief that has been passed on in this way
"He answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people ahonoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.
Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.
For laying aside the commandment of God, ye hold the atradition of men, as the washing of pots and cups: and many other such like things ye do."~Mark 7:6-8
Stories of exclusion
When pregnant with her 3rd child most definitely her 3rd c section she had asked the relief society president if she could possible have 2 weeks of meals and assistance..with a 3 year old and a 16month old she knew she would probably be down and out. Her husband worked long hours and she did have anyone close by to help. with her last children the compassionate service organizer in her church called her each week following the births of her children asking if she needed continued assistance. So by her 3rd kid she was sure when asking for more time the RS president wouldn't hesitate to say yes. But the response that was followed shocked her as by the answer was an answer of limitations. She stated that a mother with a c section only had 5 days of meals. How could you put a limit on service specially when requested. Luckily and blessed was the mother cause there was enough people who wanted to serve she had 2 weeks of meals.
Living in a ward where half were members from the city and half were students from out west come to further their education in the medical field. This sister felt like she was stuck in the middle..young like the students but too many kids...and not old enough for the home members. Because there was the culture differences and the obvious grouping of women she decided that she would sit among the students. After a while watching them chitchat amongst themselves along with the RS president they noticed the time was getting late. They were agitated with the event host cause since it was finals week they needed to get home. Some words of criticism of how things were ran different in their wards back home and the RS president stating "If i was in charge tonight it wouldn't take so long" but she was in charge she was the president. shocked and hurt to hear such judgment specially for the friend in charge from those not from the city not from that world the sister got up and left and cried. How can these people preach what they preach proclaim a gospel of love and yet criticize..specially supported by the RS president. The RS president saw she was not happy and asked what was wrong. The sister felt that she would explain how she felt in hopes that the sister would apologize and realize her mistake. No the complete opposite happened she told the sister that she was who she was and she was not going to change.
After her husband hurt his back just after a few months their youngest was born the wife had to return to work while the husband stayed home with 4 kids all under the age of 5. there was a time where they felt overwhelmed and did not know what to do. Family had other responsibilities and were unable to help. the couple sought help form the RS president asking for help. they couldn't specify what they needed but they knew they were falling apart. The President said she would call around and call back to let them know if there was anyone who could. The phone call came but the answer was not good. the people that were contacted were too busy to help. while this trial was going on there were also a group of young couples who were always getting together each week to fellowship. The couple could not understand in such a time of need how no one had time to help and yet there was time to fellowship amongst each other. When the couple found out about the others not able to help the president asked "Don't you have family?" what a stab in the heart cause it was such a harsh assumption cause family asked the couple "Don't you have the Church"? because of the lack of help that was needed the couple became bitter towards the church and it was a trial that motivated their push to move.
When moving into a new ward the young family was embraced. members wanted to get to know them and there were several dinners. It was very nice and different specially being so far from family they came and moved into a new land knowing no one. . til the invites stopped, dinners stopped. maybe because the ward felt they have been there long enough welcoming them in was no longer needed. One holiday party the couple attends to be amongst their ward "Friends". The woman would sit among the other women, the women who have already established themselves and were already friends. discussions were had, nothing to do with the sisters interest and then the conversion about planning a girls night came about. they were all excited to be planning this night but not once was the sister looked at or invited to the event..That would be the last time she would chose to sit among them.
too many times through out her membership in the church she has put her pride to the side, tried to invite herself into this Culture the church has developed and tried to find her place. Too many times has she been hurt and realized that she is not like the women that fit the mold in this culture....
In the church we like to categorize the members into two categories..those who grew up in the church and those who found the light of christ in their darkest times later in life. But i am neither...i feel that my hardest times of feeling excepted is the time i have been in this church. Its not about a calling. I dont need to hear the phrase "stay strong" "You are loved" i think i am pretty damn strong for all i have been through with the clicks judging and not willing to be good deciples. I am more then just a service project more then just a calling....
This is my story...my story of feeling alone in the walk towards Christ in this world. I don't need service only when in need i need girlfriends in the gospel..women to hold my hand. to not just be there when called to serve and then stop when the calling is over....ive been to many events and the women whos children play with my kids husbands converse don't know i am there until the end....
When life is hard and we find our selves in a hole we climb out by vigorous scripture reading and prayers and as soon as all is well we slow down and don't put our hearts into it. I think thats what happens when we become complacent in our lives where we find that every inch of our lives involves friends of the church and there isn't a need to reach out and bring in new friends. I have been in the same ward for 5 years..i have seen people come and go develop amazing friendships and yet i don't think most know me as well as they could. I have had one family tell me that they were thinking of inviting us to their party but forgot. another say that they were going to invite me over to meet their friends and they didn't. and when i reach out letting them know i would like to get together they say anytime is good but never follow trough...The church has a culture. a culture that if you are not a certain type of person or fit a mold it is very hard to be embraced. I only want what the leaders of our church teach...sister hood..SISTER...doesn't mean when i have time and only within my calling....
Christ was a giver...he served all the time. his last night he was taking upon the sins of the world and all he wanted was his friends to be by his side, not as his deciples but as his friends and yet he was alone. i feel alone, i don't want to change who i am to fit a mold but to be apart of the sisters lives in my ward because we are a ward "FAMiLY"
I was hoping to get a calling this last week because i knew that it would have been a great opportunity to serve along side others and hopefully have that be the chance to get to know each other a little bit more...we are always told how amazing we are..how great of example we are..how we would make great ward missionaries..i feel people hype us up and when callings were given out and a group of people i was hoping to serve along side were all called..i wept..yes i cried not because i didn't get a calling because i wasn't given the opportunity to be equally yoked in the church..."better things are in store" God loves you" "you are loved" "be strong".these words i know... i was just stating a fact...there is a bad habit of creating a mold and a culture with in any organization....and as soon as we do that we limit our selves from serving to our fullest...
I will continue to be me...i was never weak im always strong..all that i have had to endure many would have left...but this church is not perfect and its people arent perfect but the gospel is...The church of jesus christ of latter day saints has the FULNESS of the gospel...A living prophet who holds the keys to the priesthood..the temples to help build the kingdom of God..so no this will not shake me. all i desire is to be family: no one gets left behind...we left the family we knew back east to be apart of this ward..this is where the Lord wants us...and we will be here until he doesnt
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