At The End Of The Day When All Is Quiet

I sit and think a lot. Specially sitting here on the couch when all is calm. I think about my actions, i think about things that may have offended me. I think about what led up to these situations, what i said, or did then i think about what i could have done different or if something that was done different what would have happened.

I think about how this may affect my future, my feelings, my relationships. I think about if i were to face the experience again would i react the same way. and in the end what did or do i want. How do i want to feel at the end of the night when I lay my head on the pillow.

Have i made someone feel sad. Have i offended someone. Have i made promises and didn't keep. I think of all these things cause i feel these emotions. But wouldn't i be a hypocrite if i didn't take the time to reflect on my day and notice that i may have led someone to feel these emotions.

I try my best each day to be the best i can be. I want to be that friend that everyone can count on, trust. I want to be able to give guidance with love and patience. There are a few people in my life who have showed me great understanding and patience but help me to see from a different perspective without offending me. I genuinely care for everyone in the world. Even have great sadness for the adversary. I cry while listening to songs about topics i have yet to experience but i can feel the pain of the writer/musician.

I truly think there is good in everyone, they at some point have searched and have desire to be good. In  the world we put up a wall, try to act tough, dog eat dog, everyman for themselves. we do this cause at some point when we gave ourselves, wore our hearts on our sleeves we were broken down either intentionally or just by self affliction.... We all have a desire to be noticed, and embraced. A friend told me that we need girlfriends (us women) to help us through these times of stress. At least 5 we can rely on.

What i think is so important at the end of the day when all is quiet and we reflect on our experiences. Think of what "I" did to influence the experience, what "I" could have done different, and what "I" need to do different if  faced with the situation again.